Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She bit a glass in half.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
