So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
