There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just want nice things and good sex
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
