No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
