so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Farmville is her only friend.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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