I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
