M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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