ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
