Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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