Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You're a waste of cheezeits
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
