So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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