I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The uberlube is also flammable
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize