I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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