you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
zippers are such a cool invention
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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