Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
