why do cheetos always look like penises
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
