I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
