On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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