There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
