don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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