I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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