Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
