remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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