So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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