It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
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