Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
