Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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