Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
