Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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