Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Who died my cat blue again?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
