like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize