i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
