how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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