Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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