i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I have grass duct taped all over my body
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I want a musical about memes.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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