My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
