The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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