Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
