So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
