I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
it glows. i had to have it.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
