can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
