ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
