As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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