How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
two words: eviction party
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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