No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
