I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
