I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
