at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
