you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
