She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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