He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
