for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
