Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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