highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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