Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
