I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize