i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize