Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
