Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
