when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
