I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
