I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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