i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
