At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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