I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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