I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
