mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
