READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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