Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
