you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize