I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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