I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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