I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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