i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
