Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
