bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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