trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize