I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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