then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
